Death Threats

I’m not sure what the appropriate response is to your five-year-old screaming he’s going to kill you in the middle of a crowded Mexican restaurant on a Friday night.  Pretty sure I nailed it by not having a hysterical, cussing fit when people gasped and turned around to see what was going on.  I mean it isn’t every day that you get to witness a kid as cute as mine threaten someone in a tone that says he means it.  You know, because I wouldn’t go back to the Jeep in the rain and get his fifth dinosaur.  Four simply would not do for the thirty minutes we were going to be there.  It was unacceptable.  As per usual, his dad was MIA at that moment.  He doesn’t seem to pull that crap as much when daddy is around.  Boys, am I right?  I gave him the death stare and steered his little butt back to his chair before I did something crazy.  I deserve some type of prize for control.  His dad is a saint and managed to quietly get the little brat under control while I ate enough chips for all three of us.  This kid is going to be the death of us.

When you say you have a difficult kid, people look at you and grin like they know what you mean.  Maybe they do.  But if my experience with kids is any indication, they’re not all like this one we created and chances are good that they don’t know what I mean.  This one has a little extra “oomph”.  He is a perfect combination of his daddy’s non-stop energy and practical knowledge and my stubbornness and disdain for being told what to do.  This kid is going places, I’m just hoping it isn’t prison.

When he was really little, his pediatrician thought he might be autistic.  Little did he know he just hated him and wouldn’t do what he wanted.  He didn’t realize kids that little could have such attitude.  That’s not to say that there aren’t things there that we noticed early on and had to address.  Delayed speech and motor planning issues didn’t make his little life any easier to live.  Add the chaos of two massive heart attacks and a tornado, both of which left him away from home and us for weeks, and it’s no wonder he’s a little different than other kids.  Nature and nurture really did a number on him.

He’s in Kindergarten this year and his teacher recently talked to us about ADHD.  Not a huge surprise as it runs in the family.  The more I research, the more I agree.  The little dude has a lot going on and always has.  And I know that and try to remember it.  But y’all, some of it is just him.  He is a hothead and wants his way at all times.  And will apparently threaten to kill you if he doesn’t get it.  The bloodlust he definitely got from me.  Lord have mercy.

I will say living with my own little wild man makes me more sensitive to kids everywhere.  I know people look at us and think he is an only child and we spoil him and that’s why he acts like a hellion.  Don’t get me wrong, we do spoil him.  We did a lot to get him here and he will probably be our only one barring some act of God.  He’s going to get the things he wants within reason.  But that’s not to say we don’t set boundaries and dish out punishment.  It just so happens that this kid doesn’t care.  He just waits us out and goes on with his life.  Strong willed does not begin to cover what he has going on.  And if we have one, so does other poor soul out there.  I try to remember that when I’m out and some baby is terrorizing it’s mother.  Some kids are just more and they’re born that way.  Ours was that way from the moment he was able to scream and probably before he was born, to be honest.  They may not be able to help it and their parents may be like us – struggling for any semblance of control.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my little cub and will hurt you if you hurt him.  He is perfect and beautiful and life would be weird without him in it.  But there are days I contemplate running away from home.  Then I go on a business trip for two days and miss him so much I actually want to cry.  I’m complicated, what can I say.  I just keep praying my crazy and his crazy don’t run into each other in a epic battle that makes the news.  Fingers crossed.

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