Boss Lady

The last twenty-four hours have been nerve wracking.  After being the “boss lady” for two months, I was offered a chance to run back to the security of a steady paycheck.  Did I want that?  That’s a big NO.  Did I seriously consider it?  Yes, I did.  Why, you ask?  Because humans crave security.  People who say they don’t want security are lying to you and/or themselves.  I basically had a chance to say, “Ok, here’s a safety net until I can totally get on my feet.”  It was tempting.  I could pay off some bills, get season tickets to the Preds, not watch every penny we spend for a while…

For those who don’t know, let me give you a little backstory.  Back in December, I resigned from a job I had been doing for almost ten years.  I had been unhappy in an office for a while, but finally reached my breaking point.  I was super stressed and it was affecting my home life and my health.  I hated every single day I had to go to work.  The kicker is I have a degree in animal science and live on a real live working farm with cattle and yet I was sitting in my office every day looking at a computer and wishing I was doing something on the farm.  December came and I went for it.  I left the security I had built up since I first started a full time job and came home to explore my options and revive the “old” Katie.

Fast forward to now.  I have loved my time at home.  Yes, there is still stress, but it’s stress for my own business and my own family.  I’m not continually solving someone else’s problems and worrying about somebody else’s profit and loss.  I get to pick my little boy up off the bus every day and work in an “office” where I can watch him play.  I get to interact with our cattle daily and feel the peace that physical labor and curious calves provide.  It’s been awesome for my soul and my sanity and I really think my whole family has felt a burden lift.

It all comes back to the money though, doesn’t it?  In the end, it’s all about the money and the freedom that provides.  We are very fortunate to have little debt.  Outside of hockey, we don’t do much traveling or spend a lot of money on entertainment.  We have savings and are generally smart with our money.  I say all this to say that money really shouldn’t be that huge of a deal for us.  My sweet husband still works full time and I am bringing in income here and there and eventually will sell calves.   A few cutbacks, nothing even extreme, and we can make it.  Everyone needs money though and we are no exception, don’t get me wrong.  To us, the call of paying off what little debt we have and building up our savings is what draws us.  The security of it all.  That has been my hardest struggle with being the “boss lady” around here.  I don’t want to feel like I’m punishing my family with my decision.  And I have a lot of guilt around that, more than anything.

Stay with me here, this is where it gets interesting.  I promise you this happened.  Yesterday, on the way home from taking my son to school, I prayed to God to show me that I was still doing the right thing and someday it wouldn’t feel this hard.  I remember exactly where I was (coming up Blair Hill for you locals) and I prayed it more needing support than begging for a sign.  I kid you not, three hours later I got a call about a full time job.  I wasn’t exactly sure how to take that, honestly.  I was praying for something to show my faith wasn’t in vain and this shows up.  Again, why does everything have to be so hard for me?  (See my last post for that reference.)  All I wanted was to feel a peace that I was still on the right track and I get an offer to basically negate all this “nonsense” and go back to work like a mature, responsible person.  I’m going to be honest, the thought of going to work full time made me want to cry.  I love my new journey and I’m finally settling in to being my own boss.  It was hard.  Was this God’s way of saying I had a chance to make a bad decision right or was this a test of my faith?  In the end, after talking to my husband, soul searching and running it through my head a billion times, I had to go with my heart, which was screaming that I didn’t want to go back to safety.  I didn’t want to stall my dreams and goals again for someone else.  The real Katie is a daredevil and loves the challenge of doing something people say she can’t or shouldn’t.  That Katie knows she can do this and provide for her family, if for no other reason than to prove it’s possible.  And that Katie is the one that I was searching for when I took the leap the first time.  I called and let them know that I really appreciated the offer, but I would never work for someone else full time again if I didn’t absolutely have to.  Like the first time, I have peace with my decision.  I’m sure when I can’t buy season tickets, I’m going to question my sanity, but here I am.

When I picked up Tuck off the bus and pulled in the driveway to check the mail, one of our neighbors, Ricky, was coming up the road on his tractor.  He is one of the ones we went to the TCA conference with and one of the people who encouraged me to take the Artificial Insemination class (which I am signed up for :)).  In the way of farmers, he started mid-conversation by asking if I received a certain monthly magazine, which I didn’t.  He told me to look into it and I told him I definitely would.  I also that I had signed up for the AI class and was taking the advanced master beef class in March.  He was happy for me and headed off to finish his feeding.  (As a side note, if you don’t know, farmers “ain’t got time” for greetings and goodbys.  I knew my father-in-law was like that, but apparently it’s a thing.  Conversations to just begin and end abruptly.)  About fifteen minutes later, my doorbell rang.  Standing on the front porch was Ricky with two of the magazines he recommended and a sire catalog for when I need to pick a “daddy” for my AI cows.  Short, sweet and to the point, he handed those to me and I said thank you and he was gone.  Let me tell you something.  I know I am a Steele and that kind of gives me a foot in with this farming thing.  I get that.  But as a city girl learning the ropes and wanting to fit in and be something the founders of this farm would be proud of, having a farmer show up on your door with magazines for you to learn is something I can’t explain.  Knowing that he doesn’t question my seriousness or my ability to do this thing is priceless.  Honestly, one of the things that has aggravated me the most so far is the lack of female leaders on our local level.  I realize this a rural county and things are what they have been for years.  Men fill the leadership positions and people talk to your husband before you, since he’s the farmer, right?  While my husband loves this farm and the work done, he’s not interested in how we make it run.  He trusts me to research and make the best decision and is ready and willing to help.  In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not much of follower and this farming thing is no different.  I have opinions and ideas and I want to be active in making it better for all of us and not just through my husband.  The industry needs new blood and I’m here for it.  Someday it won’t just be men filling these positions I guarantee you that.  But for now, I’m content to build my knowledge and reputation and make this farm the best I can.

That went a little off track, but I’m here to tell you:  I am passionate about what I want to do and how I see our life in the future.  Do I miss the security of a steady paycheck?  Yep.  But it isn’t worth stalling this opportunity I was given or letting my dreams take a backseat to someone else’s.  Nothing makes me feel more at peace than feeding our cattle and my afternoon conversations with my kiddos (aka calves).  After a stressful day, driving the little Jeep with my trusty cattle dog co-pilot, carrying buckets of feed to our cows and calves, driving the tractor to feed hay, and interacting with our littlest ones to get them used to people…well, that makes it all worth it to me.  Nothing beats a day on the farm for peace and purpose.  My faith is fragile at best.  It’s one of the reasons I asked God for a little support.  It didn’t come like I expected, but overall this day reinforced that I am where I should be and I’m making progress.  And I don’t guess I can ask for more than that.

Doing It Scared

I bet you thought I fell off the planet, didn’t you? Nope, just super busy and super uninspired. I’ve read A LOT of books, because that’s my escape from reality for a few minutes (or hours). With books you can focus on the words and the pictures in your head and let everything else go for a while. So yeah, I’ve read a lot. I’ve used my oils religiously and shared here and there, but haven’t felt the excitement recently. I still love them and know they’ve changed my life, but I sometimes feel like I’m sharing with a black hole. Not gonna lie, that gets discouraging. But I’ve discovered that just because people don’t say the words to respond, doesn’t mean they aren’t listening. That was quite the ramble… Anyway, I have felt discouraged lately. I’m tired to be honest. I have a lot going on with my little one and with life in general. And if you haven’t read my stuff, you don’t know that stress makes me sick. Autoimmune problems are no joke. So I’ve had my friendly stress rash and I’ve felt like laying on the floor some days. All of it is discouraging. And there’s been no hockey, so that hasn’t helped the situation. Man, I love going to hockey games. Like reading, for a few hours I don’t care about anything but being in that moment and cheering on our awesome team. Apparently I need that. It started back in October, thank goodness. So far October is looking up.

I decided a month or so ago that I was going to do some things that make me uncomfortable in order to hopefully break this funk and get me moving in the right direction again. And knowing myself, I signed up for things before I could talk myself out of it. Good thing, too. I bought a ticket to Young Living’s International Grand Convention next June which is in Salt Lake City. Can I just tell you that I never travel out of the surrounding area and have NEVER been on a plane? I don’t even really like people, so the airport should be a real scream. If you see a GoFundMe® campaign for bail money, you’ll know what happened. I’m still not sure what I was thinking, but I saw the posts and watched the videos from this year and thought “I’m not missing out on that next year.” So I grabbed my mother-in-law, convinced her to go with me and bought the tickets before I could change my mind – good thing because they sold out in hours.

Then came Diamond Bound. I saw the video about it and heard the stories and thought, “I’m doing that. It sounds completely unlike me, but I’m doing it anyway.” Y’all, this thing started with a real live GALA. Black tie. I don’t even wear makeup. What in the world. But I bought that ticket before I could change my mind, too. I mean how often would it be this close to home? It was meant to be. I worried for a month about how I was going to avoid that gala and go to this thing by myself. Then a friend contacted me and put me in touch with one of her friends that was also going. They let me tag along with them, which solved one problem. Unfortunately they were pro-gala, so then I had to have a dress. It was surreal. What was I thinking?

Last weekend I went to Diamond Bound at the Opryland Hotel. I wore a fancy dress and (some) makeup. It was a lot, but I made it and had a good time. The weekend was filled with awesome speakers and encouragement, which I desperately needed. It was nice to see normal people who succeeded with Young Living. It seems everyone involved with Young Living is over-the-top bubbly and happy to a weird level, which if you know me, isn’t me. It seems fake to me and I’m not big on fake. I had gotten discouraged that I couldn’t share and make a difference at all because I didn’t have the right personality for it. Can I just tell you that hearing leaders with attitude was a relief? Being told that my greatest asset is myself and my story…yeah, that was awesome. Hearing the executive team for Young Living speak and answer questions made me even more confident in this company. Being in a room with 5000 other people with a common goal to make a healthier life for their family and anyone else that will listen was awesome. It reawakened (how dramatic is that?) the desire to share my story and teach people about a better way. Turns out I made a good decision to attend, even if I was afraid to do it at the time.

Will it keep people from acting like I’m using snake oil and believing in a cult or pyramid scheme? Nope. Probably not. But if you know me, you know that I don’t do anything I don’t want to. I don’t say things because someone says I should. I don’t get pressured to try things. No one, and I mean no one, can make me do something I don’t believe in and don’t want to do. Not for any amount of money or fame. So when I tell you that I believe in these oils, these products and this company, I’m not blowing smoke. I really do. Have I tried it all and done it all? No. Have I completely gone chemical free? No. Sugar free? Also no. But have I made great strides in my time here? Yeah. I really have. It’s definitely a process, but I keep going because I see results. I wouldn’t say I did if I didn’t. My mama didn’t raise a liar. I had someone ask me a few weeks ago about a certain product and if I was planning a class on it. My answer right now is no and I told her why. I’ve tried it and didn’t really see a benefit I can share. Do I know it works for other people? I do. And I will gladly send you their way for them to share with you. But can I with a clear conscience tell you it’s going to make a difference to you and change your life based on my experience with it? That’s it’s worth the expense? Nope. And that’s what I told her. Right now I’m not comfortable teaching it or recommending it based on my experience. I think everyone should try it for themselves, because I’ve heard amazing stories, but I’m not comfortable doing a class on it because I know people trust me to tell the truth. And I don’t take that trust for granted.

Turns out doing something scary is sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself. Was it easy? No, it wasn’t. I had to leave my family for a few days. I had expenses. I missed out on some quality weekend sleep. But it solidified my belief that I’m doing the right thing sharing my story, even if it falls on infertile ground. At the risk of sounding salesy, if you want to know more about it, let me know. I’ll tell you exactly what I think and you can decide what’s best for you. I don’t regret a minute of my decision to get started with Young Living and I don’t think you will either.


I’m opinionated person. I know you are all shocked. I have a lot of feelings about a lot of issues. If you ask me what I think, I’ll gladly tell you. Will I try to do it in a way that doesn’t offend you? Yeah, probably. Unless I don’t like you anyway and then I’m going to skip that step. The point is I don’t think it does anyone any good to make people mad with their opinions. Be honest with yourself: do you keep listening to someone’s reasoning after they tick you off? I don’t. Thank God we don’t have those thought bubbles like you see in cartoons, right? So what exactly is the point in hacking someone off by forcing your beliefs and opinions on them?

It amazes me how many people don’t think this way. I have a lot of views that some of the most popular people in this country wouldn’t agree with. I know it and I’m good with it. Some days I would like to go up and loudly voice my own opinion. Sometimes I get mad when I hear other people talk. Sometimes I even chime in with my two cents. But I don’t feel a compulsion to force what I think on other people. I’m not going to insist you listen to me and my reasoning. Chances are good, depending on my mood, I’m not going to want to listen to yours either, so we’ll be even.

I could make a list of all the things I don’t understand or agree with going on in the world right now. But you know what? I’m over here with a clear conscience, secure in my beliefs. And guess what? I’m able to explain that to you like a rational human being. I’m not making snide or off-color comments, even though I’m sure I could. Because what exactly is the point in that? And the truth is sometimes something I hear from a non-threatening, sane person makes me curious enough to re-examine my own opinion. Imagine that.

If we would all just keep in our own lane, can you imagine how much better this life would be? I’m not asking for people to change their fundamental beliefs or always defer to someone else like a wimp. However, if we could all think about our words before we say them and give other people the benefit of having their own lives and opinions, that would be awesome. Maybe stop for a second and try to figure out why you are so opposed to whatever the issue is. Develop your own opinions based on what you truly think and not just what the people around you think. Contrary to popular belief, it’s OK to have an opinion that doesn’t agree with someone else. But it definitely isn’t OK to judge someone else based on what they believe or how they react to what you believe. Quite frankly, I don’t even care if you think it. Fine, think whatever. Screw up your own head all you want. You still don’t have to force that on someone else. It’s really simple. Show some compassion. “Tolerating” doesn’t indicate you agree. Quite the opposite. It indicates you don’t agree, but you go on with your life anyway. Like an intelligent human.

Hands On

There’s something to be said for a man who can actually do stuff. (Yes, I understand women can also do things and take care of themselves, as I most definitely can, but that’s not the point here.) The point is men have changed. How many of you have a man in your life who can actually do practical, useful things? Fix things, make things, use his hands for more than scrolling through his phone? I live in a small town in the south, so I feel like it’s more common here in a farming community than it is in the larger town I grew up in. But even here, it’s becoming less and less common. Like everything else, men are evolving with the times and technology. I get that. But it makes me even prouder of the man I call mine and the little man we are raising that seems to be following in his footsteps.

I sat for about two hours today watching my husband and his friend work in their shop. It constantly amazes me to see the things these two dudes can do. I give them hell on a daily basis, but I swear between the two of them, they’re unstoppable. Today they were working on trucks for a truck pull this weekend. One was attaching a custom made bumper, which he made from scratch I might add, to his truck. The other was working on various projects on his truck, while occasionally stopping to help his friend. These two never slow down. They are constantly thinking of something else to do to whatever project they’re working on and then figuring out how to make it happen. They drive their wives crazy on a regular basis with truck talk, late hours in the shop, and mysterious charges to their credit card, but it’s hard to hate it. We also never have to call a repairman or take our vehicles to the shop. After close to eighteen years, I’m spoiled to it. I can do a lot of things myself, but how awesome is it that I don’t have to every single time?

As I sat there watching my 5-year-old work diligently to split a wood block while the big boys worked on their trucks, I couldn’t help but be relieved that he seems to have the inclination to do things with his hands. Yes, more times than not that means destroying something, but still… at least he tries. He came home yesterday hot, tired, covered in grease and dirt, and happy as a clam, much like his daddy. Hopefully he will always know the satisfaction of being able to do things with his hands.

Go team!

I honestly think my favorite part of this whole oily journey is sharing and then watching those people share the love. I love building a team and encouraging them to do the same. I love helping them achieve goals. Of all the things Young Living has done for me, I think my team is my favorite. This company encourages you to build strong bonds and share everything you know. Not competing. Not hiding your secrets. Everyone benefits from team success. I never thought that would appeal to me. People skills are not really high in my list of qualities and I work fairly well as a team of one. I went from thinking of network marketing as the devil to be avoided, to realizing it’s about teamwork and helping other people succeed. And it turns out I really like that. Who knew.

Why “Essential” Oils?

These days everyone has seen or heard of essential oils. They are sold all over the place in a wide range of prices. But what are they and what is the price difference all about??

Essential oils are the lifeblood of the plants (trees, shrubs, seeds, etc.) from which they are extracted. They are essential to the growth and survival of the plant itself. For centuries man has taken the leaves and blooms of a plant, dried them, and used them in poultices and teas to help ease conditions and support a healthy body. Essential oils serve the same purpose, except they can be from 100 to 10,000 times more concentrated. This isn’t a new concept either. You can find references to oils in ancient Egypt, Greece, Italy and all through the bible.

So what’s the difference in different companies and prices? Oils have to be “harvested” from the plants in order to be usable by us in those convenient little bottles. There are fast ways and right ways. Correct ways take more time. They take years of experience and research to know the best way to harvest the oil and the peak time for harvesting to get the grade of oil required. It takes a great deal of time and effort to produce pure, therapeutic grade oils. It can’t be mass produced to lower the price of the harvest either, if done correctly. You can use two or three drops in place of sometimes 10 drops of a generic oil. And they are not therapeutic themselves, which means even if the oil can support your body, it isn’t strong enough to do that. That makes up a great deal of the price difference. In addition, essential oils are not regulated by the FDA. Meaning, if the bottle has at least 10% oil, it can be labeled 100%. Organic, natural, all those things are advertising and not backed up by anything in most companies. Companies can make their supply go a lot farther and make more profit overall by “extending” their oils, but that is not helping their customers.

So what does all this mean? I can’t speak for those other companies, but I can speak for Young Living. When you purchase a bottle of Young Living oil you can be confident that the bottle is 100% oil. It was grown on a farm that is the natural, perfect environment for it to thrive. That farm follows strict protocol put in place by Young Living. The oil itself is tested in a lab to guarantee the quality meets Young Living standards. Young Living also employs third parties to test their oils periodically to insure their quality. This is called the Seed to Seal process and is copyrighted by Young Living. They are the only ones doing it. Although essential oils are not regulated by the FDA, Young Living has put their own rules and standards in place to assure you that you are getting what you pay for.

Gary Young founded Young Living 25 years ago. He did intensive research and studies abroad to learn the perfect process for producing therapeutic grade essential oils. At the time people called him crazy. Now millions of people worldwide use Young Living products. What started off as an essential oils company has grown into lotions, shampoos, supplements, makeup, health drinks and the list goes on. People are literally replacing everything in their home with these all natural products to get rid of harmful chemicals.

I firmly believe Young Living is the best company out there. This company cares about people. It wants you to thrive and be the best you. And if you’re not happy or satisfied, they will work with you to make sure you end up happy and satisfied. Yes, the price is often eye-opening. But it is so worth it.

Oils of Our Lives

I’m at a weird point. I’m doing something I really enjoy. Weird. Taking a hobby I’ve had for years and sharing it with a lot of people. Also weird. More people than I ever expected in a few short weeks. I find myself randomly recommending oils in conversation. Which is not me. Then there’s the whole “selling” thing. That is also not me. It’s like I’m a different person. I find myself struggling to balance my desire to share with my need to give people space and not pressure them in any way. Because even when they’re interested in what you have to say, there’s this suspicion that you’re going to trap them into something or force them to sell oils against their will. Or that’s how it feels from my end. I was wary too, so I get that. And let’s be real, you can wrap it up in whatever package you want to, but at the end of the day I do want you to use Young Living and it does benefit me. But whether you know it now or not, it benefits you, too.

The thing is I genuinely like helping people find a solution through oils. And they have other things, people. It’s more than oil. I love knowing that it’s the beginning of something that’s not only good for them, it’s fun. And I love the thought of sharing and talking about oils for enough of a living that I can get more serious with my cattle business. Cows require time and effort and I have neither after working full time.

I also know that there is no trap. I like to think that people know me well enough to know I wouldn’t get talked into anything I hadn’t researched and asked a ton of questions about. And as usual, I had lots of questions. I probably went through everything on the website looking for the catch. I never found it. All I found was a really cool concept that had spread worldwide. And I am confident in the knowledge that if I wake up tomorrow and think, “What was I thinking?”, I can make one phone call to an impartial person and I’ll be done. All the rebates and discounts are not coersion. They are only meant to get oils to more people. Really. And the membership that turns so many people off? Do you have a Sam’s Club membership? Do you pay a set amount each year and get the discount as a result? Do they use the word “membership”? Yeah, that’s my point.

Yes, at the end of the day it is a business for me. It’s a stupid, ridiculous dream, but I’m taking the chance anyway. Because I need a change and inspiration. But if I didn’t like it and believe it could help people, I wouldn’t be doing it. Period.

So the weird place is how do I balance that? I’m having a blast blogging and sharing my experiences with essential oils. That’s a fact. Had I known it would make me happy, I would have started this years ago. But at the end of the day, I do have a goal. I want to work less in an office and more on things I enjoy. I want other people to have that opportunity if they want it. It doesn’t appeal to everyone. I didn’t think it would appeal to me. And I despise being pressured or coerced, so I’m not going to do that for any amount of money. Well, maybe a million per head. That would be hard to turn down. But when you realize you enjoy something and could possibly get financial freedom, you take the chance. And even though I know the business part freaks people out, I do want people to know it’s out there and it’s a lot of fun.

So that’s where I am. I love it. I love sharing it. I hope you love it, too, and let me show you how to get awesome oils at a discounted price. But if you don’t want to, I’m good with that. You can order one at a time or none at all. It’s not for everyone and that’s ok. Please do not let the “sales” and “membership” keep you from trying something new if you want to. Be brave. Have a little faith in me. But most of all, take a tip from me and be true to you. That’s all I’m trying to do.

A Better Me (and You)

The past few weeks have been so much fun for me.  I set a goal to be a better me and to make better decisions for my family.  And I decided I wanted to share what I was learning, so I started a Facebook page ( and a blog.  Feel free to look me up – I love sharing.

I’ve used essential oils for several years.  As a skeptical person, I continually look for stories of success and research oils for myself.  I don’t blindly believe things, but I will take your suggestions and try it for myself.  Oils were a road to stress relief for me and mine.  My main goal was a calmer home life.  When my mother-in-law began using Young Living this year, I was reintroduced to them through her.  I knew of the company and I guess most people do.  I even had a few bottles I used from time to time.  I also knew I was buying less expensive oils that were already helping me.  But me being me, I started reading about the company.  About how they grow, harvest and develop new blends.  About their mission to get essential oils into every house.  I read stories on Pinterest and on the internet as a whole.  My mother-in-law and I went to a meeting with about 50 super happy people who were using and selling it.   Happy people make me suspicious, so that was kind of a turnoff for me at the time.  Which is pretty funny now.

I got my starter kit a month or so ago and started experimenting.  The scientist in me loves to test things. I compared the YL oils to the ones I had already.  I can honestly say they are more intense than my less expensive oils.  I can use less drops and I trust that what I am getting is 100% oil that has been tested in a lab to verify that.  And YL hires third-parties to audit their products also, which I love.  Their farms, methods, and quality control is impressive.   I’ve since learned that there is no regulation of essential oils in regards to what is considered “100%” and “pure.”  As long as approximately 10% is oil, it can be advertised as 100% on the label.  But when you use YL, you know it has been tested and verified.  And YL is the only company that owns all of their own farms, which specialize in whatever will grow the best in that particular environment.  Their farmers have strict regulations from the company and their products are checked to insure they follow them.  And they don’t just sell oils, they sell all kinds of things: cleaners, shampoos, makeup, and the list goes on.  You should really check out their website.  Overall, it’s impressive and I feel comfortable using them on my family and sharing that with others.

And my husband is a very willing participant.  I’ve mixed things for sore muscles and joints, calming oils, and bug spray.  He uses them all.  I made my son a booboo roller and a calming roller and he likes to use those himself (he is four).  It’s funny how easily they accepted it all.  Easier than I did, I’m sure.

I never, and I mean NEVER, planned to try the business side.  I despise selling anything.  And I hate salesmen.   Three weeks ago that wasn’t even on my radar.  Then my buddy mentioned looking into it and we jumped in together.  I have loved every minute.  Because I’m not selling, I’m sharing.  Young Living sells things, not me.  And I love reading and sharing what I find.  I love answering questions. It’s one of the reasons I like my actual daily job.  I know most people don’t get a kick out of researching and experimenting,  but I do.  And I feel happy and productive for the first time in a very long time.  So I hope that I can keep on posting and sharing my journey and other people can benefit from it.  It’s going to be a lot of fun along the way.  You should really come with me!!


The Struggle

Anybody care to guess how many times I’ve heard a reference to the parable of the prodigal son in the last month?   I don’t know either,  but suffice it to say it’s a large number.   God is persistent like that.

I grew up in church.  I think a lot of people in the South do.  Twice on Sunday and again on Wednesday night.  I went to a large church with a great youth program, so we also had lots of things to do on the weekends, too. It was a sheltered place.  Not a perfect place – temptation is everywhere.  But I got the time and influences that built the me you see today.  I didn’t realize it at the time, but it settled my soul on a Rock that can never be swayed.

When you are a good girl and in church on the regular,  going to college is eye-opening.  You are in charge of you for the first time in your life and you get to decide what you want to do.  Sleeping late on Sunday was a lot more important than going to church.  And college friends do different things for fun than church friends.   I’m not going to lie,  it was a blast.  It is still is a blast to get together with our college friends.  That time bonds you to people.  You make friends for life.  Family.  And I’ve continued that way on this journey for many years.  Easily passing through with no concerns about my soul.  After all, I knew where I stood with God, regardless of where I spent my Sundays.  And then we had Tuck.

Seeing yourself as an adult is never clearer than when you have this little person around that can’t do anything on his own.  I know I have that Rock and never doubt it.  I know that in the worst of times along the way, scripture or hymns would come to mind.  I would automatically find myself praying.  That doesn’t go away just because you wander.  It is literally ingrained in my soul.

Now I don’t consider myself on par with the prodigal son.  But I do believe God has been making a point in my life.  “I see you.  I still love you.  Shouldn’t Tuck have that?  It’s such an easy thing to come back.”  And for once in my life, I’m taking a suggestion from someone and doing it.  Normally if you tell me something you think I should do or, God forbid, try to guilt me into it, I can guarantee it will never happen.  That’s just me.  I decide for me.  Not you.  But it’s been such a soft whisper.  Just a reminder.  Nothing pushy.  And He is right.  Tuck deserves the chance to have the solid foundation my parents gave me.  Because I’m here to tell you, trials will come and they are many.   And in those times if I hadn’t had my Rock, I’m not sure how I would have survived.

Like the prodigal son, I have talked to my Father and asked him to help me.  And it has been better the last few weeks.  Just knowing that I have made a good decision for my family eases my soul.  I struggle.  Man, do I struggle.  If you know me, you know that.  But it’s ok.  I just have to do my best.  That foundation can’t be taken from me.  Not by you or even me.  And there’s a lot of comfort in that.

No clue why I had to share this today, but make no mistake, I had to.  I hope it speaks to someone out there.   The struggle is real.  But you don’t have to do it alone.