Doing It Scared

I bet you thought I fell off the planet, didn’t you? Nope, just super busy and super uninspired. I’ve read A LOT of books, because that’s my escape from reality for a few minutes (or hours). With books you can focus on the words and the pictures in your head and let everything else go for a while. So yeah, I’ve read a lot. I’ve used my oils religiously and shared here and there, but haven’t felt the excitement recently. I still love them and know they’ve changed my life, but I sometimes feel like I’m sharing with a black hole. Not gonna lie, that gets discouraging. But I’ve discovered that just because people don’t say the words to respond, doesn’t mean they aren’t listening. That was quite the ramble… Anyway, I have felt discouraged lately. I’m tired to be honest. I have a lot going on with my little one and with life in general. And if you haven’t read my stuff, you don’t know that stress makes me sick. Autoimmune problems are no joke. So I’ve had my friendly stress rash and I’ve felt like laying on the floor some days. All of it is discouraging. And there’s been no hockey, so that hasn’t helped the situation. Man, I love going to hockey games. Like reading, for a few hours I don’t care about anything but being in that moment and cheering on our awesome team. Apparently I need that. It started back in October, thank goodness. So far October is looking up.

I decided a month or so ago that I was going to do some things that make me uncomfortable in order to hopefully break this funk and get me moving in the right direction again. And knowing myself, I signed up for things before I could talk myself out of it. Good thing, too. I bought a ticket to Young Living’s International Grand Convention next June which is in Salt Lake City. Can I just tell you that I never travel out of the surrounding area and have NEVER been on a plane? I don’t even really like people, so the airport should be a real scream. If you see a GoFundMe® campaign for bail money, you’ll know what happened. I’m still not sure what I was thinking, but I saw the posts and watched the videos from this year and thought “I’m not missing out on that next year.” So I grabbed my mother-in-law, convinced her to go with me and bought the tickets before I could change my mind – good thing because they sold out in hours.

Then came Diamond Bound. I saw the video about it and heard the stories and thought, “I’m doing that. It sounds completely unlike me, but I’m doing it anyway.” Y’all, this thing started with a real live GALA. Black tie. I don’t even wear makeup. What in the world. But I bought that ticket before I could change my mind, too. I mean how often would it be this close to home? It was meant to be. I worried for a month about how I was going to avoid that gala and go to this thing by myself. Then a friend contacted me and put me in touch with one of her friends that was also going. They let me tag along with them, which solved one problem. Unfortunately they were pro-gala, so then I had to have a dress. It was surreal. What was I thinking?

Last weekend I went to Diamond Bound at the Opryland Hotel. I wore a fancy dress and (some) makeup. It was a lot, but I made it and had a good time. The weekend was filled with awesome speakers and encouragement, which I desperately needed. It was nice to see normal people who succeeded with Young Living. It seems everyone involved with Young Living is over-the-top bubbly and happy to a weird level, which if you know me, isn’t me. It seems fake to me and I’m not big on fake. I had gotten discouraged that I couldn’t share and make a difference at all because I didn’t have the right personality for it. Can I just tell you that hearing leaders with attitude was a relief? Being told that my greatest asset is myself and my story…yeah, that was awesome. Hearing the executive team for Young Living speak and answer questions made me even more confident in this company. Being in a room with 5000 other people with a common goal to make a healthier life for their family and anyone else that will listen was awesome. It reawakened (how dramatic is that?) the desire to share my story and teach people about a better way. Turns out I made a good decision to attend, even if I was afraid to do it at the time.

Will it keep people from acting like I’m using snake oil and believing in a cult or pyramid scheme? Nope. Probably not. But if you know me, you know that I don’t do anything I don’t want to. I don’t say things because someone says I should. I don’t get pressured to try things. No one, and I mean no one, can make me do something I don’t believe in and don’t want to do. Not for any amount of money or fame. So when I tell you that I believe in these oils, these products and this company, I’m not blowing smoke. I really do. Have I tried it all and done it all? No. Have I completely gone chemical free? No. Sugar free? Also no. But have I made great strides in my time here? Yeah. I really have. It’s definitely a process, but I keep going because I see results. I wouldn’t say I did if I didn’t. My mama didn’t raise a liar. I had someone ask me a few weeks ago about a certain product and if I was planning a class on it. My answer right now is no and I told her why. I’ve tried it and didn’t really see a benefit I can share. Do I know it works for other people? I do. And I will gladly send you their way for them to share with you. But can I with a clear conscience tell you it’s going to make a difference to you and change your life based on my experience with it? That’s it’s worth the expense? Nope. And that’s what I told her. Right now I’m not comfortable teaching it or recommending it based on my experience. I think everyone should try it for themselves, because I’ve heard amazing stories, but I’m not comfortable doing a class on it because I know people trust me to tell the truth. And I don’t take that trust for granted.

Turns out doing something scary is sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself. Was it easy? No, it wasn’t. I had to leave my family for a few days. I had expenses. I missed out on some quality weekend sleep. But it solidified my belief that I’m doing the right thing sharing my story, even if it falls on infertile ground. At the risk of sounding salesy, if you want to know more about it, let me know. I’ll tell you exactly what I think and you can decide what’s best for you. I don’t regret a minute of my decision to get started with Young Living and I don’t think you will either.

The Book of Faces

I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. I’d hazard to guess that most people do. I love that I can “see” my friends from high school and college even though they’ve moved all over the country. Granted, it’s a little stalker-esque to “follow” someone’s life through pictures, but I still enjoy it. I love being able to share my life and who doesn’t like all those “likes” you get when you post a picture? That’s the whole point, right? Facebook has a ton of good qualities. I mean I keep going back multiple times a day so it must have something I like.

What I don’t like is how Facebook can make me feel about myself and my life. Because you don’t automatically think, “well, they’re posting only the best things”, and take things with a grain of salt when you see pictures of your friends in Aruba or baking the world’s coolest cupcakes for their 10 kids. I’m a pretty straightforward person, both on and off Facebook, so I don’t immediately assume everyone is only highlighting the good. Nope. I think I’m failing as a mom or wife. I don’t travel enough. I don’t contribute enough. I have one kid and can’t get anything done and these people have five kids (five!) and are travelling and doing all these family things. I can barely get through a meal with my little heathen. And Lord, when I post that particular little truth nugget… Let’s just say my bid for mom of the year grows stronger daily. That’s honestly how I feel.

Now I can’t blame that all on Facebook. Some of that is just who I am. I will never feel I measure up to other moms. It’s not going to happen, so you can save your inspiring texts and emails about how awesome I am. I’m good. I know it’s stupid, as my sweet husband points out daily, but I can’t make myself stop. That’s not Facebook’s fault. But if there was no Facebook, and I wasn’t hooked on it, I wouldn’t have that shoved in my face as often and in living color. So I do put some blame on Facebook and social media in general.

I give massive props to people who “quit” Facebook. You go. You have the willpower of a god as far as I’m concerned. I just don’t feel like that’s a valid option for me. It’s literally the only way I “see” some of my family and friends. I also use it for my business. It just isn’t logical to stop using it altogether. But I wonder if I can inspire others to try for a little honesty on there. It always amazes me when I post something like “I hate everyone today” and people start worrying about something tragic going on in my life. I’m just posting my honest opinion at that moment, which is what I like to think everyone is doing, so why the concern? Then it dawns on me – most people are only posting rainbows and roses. They assume your world is ending if you actually post anything non-sunny on Facebook. Nope. I hate people at least one day a week on average. That’s me. No crisis, just putting it out there as more of a public service announcement. I guess I could wear some sort of sign instead, but a Facebook post lets people I don’t see daily know not to call, or God forbid, stop by for a visit. A sign on my person will not do that.

So yeah, I love it…I hate it. I’m addicted to it, even though it sometimes makes me feel like a complete and utter failure. I’m working on that. But how about we all agree to be more realistic on the book of faces? Because if I’m feeling this way, I hate to think how the more vulnerable people in our lives feel. ‘Cause I can guarantee they’re on there reading posts several hours a day. And while I have a full time job and a little heathen at home to keep my mind occupied most of the day, not everyone does. Now don’t go depressing everyone you know on there, but maybe shoot for posting about the not perfect times once in a while. It’s ok to have a bad day and shout it from the internet. I personally love giving someone a good laugh at my expense. And hey, you’ll get lots of encouragement and prayers as an added bonus! Win win.

This Day, Take 2

Today was not my day. No amount of Spearmint and Stress Away could save this day. It’s Monday, so that speaks for itself. I got to work and my phone and computer wouldn’t connect to the internet and therefore the system. No one else was having an issue. Imagine that. Both run off the internet, which is persnickety on a good day. (That’s southern for very difficult x 10). I eventually realized my phone was being an idiot and bypassed it so I could at least get in the system. In the meantime, my visitor arrived. For those that don’t know, my job is loan administration, which basically means I oversee loan operations. And that means sometimes you have people come in to make sure you are doing your job right. Usually it’s stressful, but that’s normal. Add in no phone and no boss and life gets less fun. Luckily his computer worked. Once I had him settled, I went back to working on my stupid phone. After emailing to let people know I had no phone on a day I could really use a phone, I fiddled with it until I considered throwing it through my office window and jumping from the second floor to freedom. It was awesome. In the midst of this, lunch arrived. What could go wrong? Hold on and let me tell you. After waiting 45 minutes, still no lunch. It was a burger and fries, not a four course meal. Turns out my order was placed as a to-go, so it was sitting in the back getting cold the whole time I sat trying to be patient. That’ll teach me. No good deed goes unpunished. You’ve probably heard me say that. Because it’s TRUE and I’m a truthsayer. At least I got it free. Someone asked how it was and I told them it wasn’t half bad for a cold burger and fries. Not exactly the hot burger and fries I expected, but I made it work. I came back and worked on what I now will forever refer to as “my idiot phone” to no avail. I gave up and decided phones are for losers anyway. And I’m a winner. Eventually the day came to an uneventful end and here I am. In my recliner reminiscing. I think I’ll leave my office phone off the hook forever. It was actually quite peaceful looking back. On to Monday, part 2. Deliver me Lord.

Blessed Silence

I miss the quiet almost as much as I miss sleep. Two long lost friends. Remember when you could quietly read a book? Or just sit? Or go the bathroom? Or shower? Those were the days. We thought we would miss our wild days when we had kids, but alas, I miss sleep and quiet most of all.

My son had delayed speech. He didn’t even say “mama” until after he went through speech therapy at 2. I was so afraid then that he might never speak or speak clearly. I should not have worried. He now starts talking when he wakes up and doesn’t stop talking until he passes out at night. And he talks in his sleep some nights. He does not get that from us. My husband and I once drove 6 hours home from the beach in silence. No radio. No anything. It was glorious.

Tonight I actually found myself begging him to stop talking for just a few minutes while we drove 20 minutes home. Mommy, the introvert, was overstimulated by all the questions and random statements. Thankfully he and his daddy just went on a little outing and it is mostly quiet for a few minutes. Except for Freight Train, of course. He may not be talking, but he is never quiet.

It always amazes me that although he drives me crazy on a daily basis, it is way too quiet when he’s not around. Apparently I’ve adjusted to the noise. I look at him continually and think, “I would never survive two of you with my sanity.” Seriously. How do people with multiple kids keep it together? They’re the true heros.

And he’s really smart. This isn’t gibberish or baby subjects. He isn’t spouting nonsense. His vocabulary and knowledge sometimes catch me off guard. He uses really big words and in context. Some words are weird coming out of the mouth of a 4 year old. Tonight he keeps talking about things going viral. He was going to take a picture and then it would go viral. He saw something and now it was going viral. Viral is the word of the day. The Disney Channel isn’t just Mickey Mouse Clubhouse anymore it seems. Either that or his 90 year old grandmother is really hip and with it and things we don’t know about go on during the day.

He wears me out just listening to him. Much less watching him move continually while jabbering nonstop. Oh, to have one tenth of his energy. Nevermind, I couldn’t survive that kind of tired.

But for now, it’s just me and the furry children. No sound on the TV. Just the continuous sound of nails on the hardwood as Scout paces waiting on his buddy to get back. And then there will be talking, running and barking until one if them passes out. Wish us luck.

Oils of Our Lives

I’m at a weird point. I’m doing something I really enjoy. Weird. Taking a hobby I’ve had for years and sharing it with a lot of people. Also weird. More people than I ever expected in a few short weeks. I find myself randomly recommending oils in conversation. Which is not me. Then there’s the whole “selling” thing. That is also not me. It’s like I’m a different person. I find myself struggling to balance my desire to share with my need to give people space and not pressure them in any way. Because even when they’re interested in what you have to say, there’s this suspicion that you’re going to trap them into something or force them to sell oils against their will. Or that’s how it feels from my end. I was wary too, so I get that. And let’s be real, you can wrap it up in whatever package you want to, but at the end of the day I do want you to use Young Living and it does benefit me. But whether you know it now or not, it benefits you, too.

The thing is I genuinely like helping people find a solution through oils. And they have other things, people. It’s more than oil. I love knowing that it’s the beginning of something that’s not only good for them, it’s fun. And I love the thought of sharing and talking about oils for enough of a living that I can get more serious with my cattle business. Cows require time and effort and I have neither after working full time.

I also know that there is no trap. I like to think that people know me well enough to know I wouldn’t get talked into anything I hadn’t researched and asked a ton of questions about. And as usual, I had lots of questions. I probably went through everything on the website looking for the catch. I never found it. All I found was a really cool concept that had spread worldwide. And I am confident in the knowledge that if I wake up tomorrow and think, “What was I thinking?”, I can make one phone call to an impartial person and I’ll be done. All the rebates and discounts are not coersion. They are only meant to get oils to more people. Really. And the membership that turns so many people off? Do you have a Sam’s Club membership? Do you pay a set amount each year and get the discount as a result? Do they use the word “membership”? Yeah, that’s my point.

Yes, at the end of the day it is a business for me. It’s a stupid, ridiculous dream, but I’m taking the chance anyway. Because I need a change and inspiration. But if I didn’t like it and believe it could help people, I wouldn’t be doing it. Period.

So the weird place is how do I balance that? I’m having a blast blogging and sharing my experiences with essential oils. That’s a fact. Had I known it would make me happy, I would have started this years ago. But at the end of the day, I do have a goal. I want to work less in an office and more on things I enjoy. I want other people to have that opportunity if they want it. It doesn’t appeal to everyone. I didn’t think it would appeal to me. And I despise being pressured or coerced, so I’m not going to do that for any amount of money. Well, maybe a million per head. That would be hard to turn down. But when you realize you enjoy something and could possibly get financial freedom, you take the chance. And even though I know the business part freaks people out, I do want people to know it’s out there and it’s a lot of fun.

So that’s where I am. I love it. I love sharing it. I hope you love it, too, and let me show you how to get awesome oils at a discounted price. But if you don’t want to, I’m good with that. You can order one at a time or none at all. It’s not for everyone and that’s ok. Please do not let the “sales” and “membership” keep you from trying something new if you want to. Be brave. Have a little faith in me. But most of all, take a tip from me and be true to you. That’s all I’m trying to do.

This day, y’all

Some days are better than others, know what I mean? It’s not that today was a bad day, per se, it’s just blah. I don’t want to be where I am all day doing what I’m doing… today at least.

Most days I really like my job. I used to love it, but “like” is better than where I was before. I love the people I work with and let’s be real, I’m not going anywhere any time soon (so y’all stop panicking). But whatever is up with me makes me dissatisfied with my present situation.

Not my home life. It’s stressful, but whose isn’t? My husband is sometimes the only thing keeping me sane. I’m hanging on to him. It’s work, I think. I don’t feel like I’m accomplishing anything. I mostly repeat myself a lot and hope for the best. My favorite part is solving problems and helping other people figure something out. Everybody deserves answers and I love trying to break it down so it’s easier the next time. And I still do that a lot. But I am not happy there right now.

Some of it is this stupid boot. It is totally screwing up my mojo. But the real problem is somebody convinced me that work could, maybe, on a wing and a prayer, if the stars align, be something different and that I could actually look forward to it for a change. It’s a far off dream and one a lot of other people have had and failed to realize. I’m a lot of things, but stupid isn’t one of them. Are you still crazy if you realize you are crazy? I need to find that out. But right now I have this teeny tiny hope of light at the end of the tunnel.

So I carry on, confusing the heck out of people who know me well. Who is this Katie who is happy and doing something weird, even for her? I like to think it’s the new, better me, but today I just want to lay down and sleep. But have no fear, there’s an oil for that.

Broken Dreams

Sleep, why hast thou forsaken me?  It’s 7:30.  AM.  On a Saturday.  What is the deal??

Sleep is my hobby.  It is my first love.   I could sleep instead of eat any day of the week. The middle of the day is a magical time to sleep as far as I’m concerned.  Today I have no pitter patter of little feet to wake me,  but here I sit.  Awake.  And slightly annoyed because of it.   I have a busy day ahead, I get that.  But couldn’t I have started it 2 hours later?   Yes brain, I think I could have.  Instead I’m sitting here finding things to share with people and contemplating breakfast.  Adulting sucks yet again.  Why DO people do it?  On top of all the other fun adult things you have to do, your brain starts thinking you need to be up at the same time every day like some sort of psycho.  (You guessed it – there are days I’m going to be profound and days I’m going to be normal.  Today is a little south of the latter.)

Sleep, I miss you so.  Please come back.  I swear I’ll do better.

Well, I hope you’re reading this after sleeping in this morning.   I bet you’re well-rested and everything.  Lucky devils.64798836213ee75b136b8656f40a100a

 

Where I am today

I am an almost-40 year old living in a very small rural town in southern middle Tennessee. Yes, we actually describe it that way, because there is nothing recognizable to non-Tennesseans close. I could tell you two hours south of Nashville (Go Preds!), but two hours south of the middle of the state can be many, many of different places. Suffice it to say, it’s rural and wonderful. After growing up in a larger town, my home now is heaven. Less people, more privacy. I have a four-year-old, who I’m beginning to realize really is spoiled, a Great Dane “puppy”, who weighs in at a whopping 130 pounds, and a 12-year-old Blue Heeler, who is taking it all in and wishing we were back to just the three of us. (Imagine Grumpy Old Men in dog form – that’s Pepper.) To say my life is wild feels like a grand understatement. I work in an office full time and as you other working moms know, that doesn’t leave much time for…well, anything else. I don’t consider my job highly stressful most days, but as someone with a degree in Animal Science, office work is not the dream. The dream is being outdoors at least some of the day. The dream is dealing with more animals than humans. The dream is physical labor so I actually sleep soundly at night. And naps. Man, the dream has lots of time for naps. Before marriage and all these wonderful people, I would gladly sleep 12 hours a day. I could lay down any time or place and rest. Really rest. Not much anymore. I can sleep, but rest is foreign to me. I know what you’re thinking, “Well you knew that going in.” I did. But I think I may have miscalculated how little rest I would get. If not for my seriously wonderful husband, I’d be writing this from a nice state facility with fluffy walls and good meds. He literally keeps me from running away and that’s only because I love him too much to abandon him in pandemonium. Which brings us around to the subject at hand. I was desperately seeking something to relax everyone in my house. Sleep is a lot more important than some people think. And I need ALOT of it to function as a normal person. I have dabbled with oils for a while now. (I still have flash backs to books and movies where witches are mixing big pots of all kinds of fun things when I start mixing these things. That’s probably not normal, but that’s me.) Now I am well below expert, but beginning to feel comfortable being a little more adventurous. I recently received my very own starter kit from Young Living. I won’t lie, I’m still skeptical about all the things people claim oils do for them. But I have seen them work to calm me and my family. I have seen lavender sooth an earache and a mixture of peppermint, eucalyptus and lavender keep muscles from being sore. And I am willing to keep experimenting while encouraging others to come along with me. Is it for everyone? Of course not. Some people will never spend the time or money it takes to really learn and use the oils effectively. That was me less than 6 months ago. Maybe you don’t have the desire, time, or money to blindly leap into this life. That’s where I come in. I want to share my journey with you, from the tornado (yes, that happened) to searching for a higher purpose, you’ll get every adventure in black and white. Oils will be an important part of the story, but believe me, my life will add all the color you need. Then you decide what you think. To me, oils are about being true to me and doing what’s right for me and mine. They’re totally versatile and you can personalize them exactly to you. Don’t miss out because you don’t quite believe it or understand it. Take the time to keep up with me. I think you’ll like what you read.